Waking Up Beside You
by LittleWing
Summary: The last peck on the lips he’d given her as a see ya later kiss still burned with the memory of her warmth. But the nights were still the hardest.


Disclaimer: I don't own 'em...but here's to dreamin'.

A/N: This one came to me in church of all places. It's a one shot. Also I guessed at Jess' birth year, so please don't shoot me over it. I just didn't feel like taking the time to find the correct info. This one takes place sometime after 'Bloody Mary'...I think. Could fit between the 'Pilot' and 'Wendiego' too. Please review and lemme know what ya think.

Little Wing

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"Jess, I am so very sorry." Tears welled and spilled from his reddened hazel eyes as his tall, lean framed body sank to the hard, rain deprived ground before the shiny red marble headstone that read: Jessica Moore 1984-2005. "I should have told you. Warned you. Something. Anything." His long thin fingers absently traced the still rough contours of her name.

God, he missed her. Just over three months since her death and the pain was still as fresh as the night he looked up to find her on the ceiling above their bed. The bed he'd left her to sleep alone in, die above alone, while he went with his brother to find the man who'd tossed him out two years before with instructions not to return.

The last peck on the lips he'd given her as a see ya later kiss still burned with the memory of her warmth. But the nights were still the hardest. The nightmares were the only part of his aversion to sleeping Dean'd figured out- hard not to when more nights than not he'd awakened the older hunter screaming Jess' name. But the other reason- the other problem- with sleeping was the way his body ached for the warmth and shape of her beside him. The comfort and safety he found there was nothing he'd ever known before.

"I should never have left."

"Sam." It was soft and blew by his ear with the breeze. But the soft squeeze of his shoulder brought his grieved attention to the empty graveyard behind him…

A light smile adorned her soft edged face while her blond locks fell about her shoulders in long waves- gently being pulled in a slight breeze. He blinked. Her long white tank dress kept gentle rhythm with the subtle wind that seemed to come with her appearance. He blinked. Blue-green eyes smiled down at him.

"Sam." Her cotton candy pink lips never moved. Her almost serene expression never changed.

His heart ached- felt as if it'd been ripped out and shoved back into place. Hot tears stung his face in salty streams. "Jess?" It wasn't a whisper, wasn't a scream; it barely qualified as a word or an articulate sound. It was more of a anguished groan. He wanted to reach out and grab her- pull her slender body into a tight embrace and never let her go. Never fall back to the nightmare his world had become without her. But his body refused him the simplest movement. Breath refused to be drawn into his lungs or released. And he knew that it wasn't real.

"This wasn't your fault, Sam." She moved like liquid silk towards him. Kneeling before him, she reached a petite hand out and gently cupped the side of his face. "Shhh." He closed his reddened hazel eyes and leaned as deeply into the surprisingly warm and solid touch as his body would allow. Oh, God, how he missed wanted to crawl into that touch and never come out. He may have the skills to protect them both from any number of things, but it was Jessica who had been the one to protect him from himself and the world. "You were never meant to prevent my death. But Dean was always meant to save you from my death. This is not your fault." The salted moisture seeping freely from his eyes never broke the heated seal between her delicate hand and his already tear stained face.

"Jess, I knew days before Dean came that this…."

"And you couldn't have stopped it, Sam." Her silken touch shifted and satiny fingers gripped his chin tight. Prying his eyes open, he found hers inches from his. As much as he wanted to screw his eyes closed again, he couldn't. He never wanted to look away from those beautiful orbs of shimmering blue and green hues again. Never wanted her to let go. Wanted so desperately to mash into her petal soft lips and never stop. He wanted to hold this moment…live in it for the rest of his natural life. "Everything'll work out the way it's supposed to. You need to have faith, Sam."

Her grip loosened and she began to pull away. Fear of losing her again shot through him faster than any emotion should have the right to and his hands fumbled for her slender wrists. He needed to hold onto her- keep her from leaving him again. She grounded him. Kept him sane. Made him brave. He couldn't let her go this time.

Anger ebbed his edges when his fingers locked around thin air. She was gone. Back to the spot she'd first appeared, the same enigmatic smile etched across her face and breeze blowing around her. "I'll always be with you, Sam. I love you."

Finally his breath came. And finally it released. And he knew that this was real. He was awake.

The steady hum of the traffic outside their motor lodge of the week told Sam all that he needed to. He was in a nameless, generic motel just off the highway. The haphazard form in the other bed, snoring slightly, informed him that for once his sudden awakening hadn't disturbed his older brother.

Counting the headlights as they passed, Sam tried to send himself back to her and that magic moment between them when he knew that Jess was all he needed to just be. Where she had been more than just his girlfriend, more than just the reason he was back on the hunt. Back to where she had been his world; his heart and soul.

Absently his hand traced over the cold space of bed next to him and he wished that she were there.

The worst part of waking wasn't the shot of adrenaline that the nightmares forced through his system, leaving him gasping for breath and trying to figure out what happened. The worst part of waking up was waking up without her beside him. Waking up everyday with the knowledge that she would never be there again, and he was to blame.

Fin


End file.
